This Recovery Month, an RCS team member shares her story

September is National Recovery Month as well as Suicide Awareness Month. Recently, one of our new staff members asked to share their recovery story. Note: This story contains content relating to self-harm and suicide.

Chianne Bertacchi begins her journey on the long and winding road from the coast to Clearlake.

Her life started before that, but her recovery started in that moment. She was headed to Gibson House, working through a number of different challenges.

She was suicidal, and self-harmed extensively. She had been sexually and emotionally abused, mostly abandoned by her biological parents and raised by her grandparents. The last act by a family that promised to care for her after she turned 18 was to pack all of Chianne’s possessions into her car following a stay in a psychiatric facility.

She was distraught, but suddenly got a phone call from Billie Wyant, who has been with RCS over five years.

“She was like, I need you to go to Stepping Stones tomorrow,” Chianne said. “I was like, ‘No, I didn’t even get the chance to process any of this,’ I mean I just tried to kill myself, like I don’t know what’s going on. So we made this deal, because I figured at that point, there was no turning back. My information was turned in. So I was like, ‘I’ll come in Monday.’”

She did.

…

When thinking about everything that led to that point, Chianne puts it bluntly.

“Clearlake wasn’t the greatest place to grow up,” Chianne said. “It was probably the place where I learned a lot of my bad habits.”

The opioid epidemic has heavily impacted Lake County and the 2020 annual opioid prescription rate was 545 prescriptions per 1,000 county residents. Overdose deaths have spiked sharply as well — from 18 in 2018 to 66 in 2021, a recent county press release said.

According to Hope Rising Lake County, approximately 15% of adult county residents engaged in binge drinking.

Mental health is a huge concern too. Lake County has the second-highest suicide rate among California counties — it’s 2.5x the state average.

All of that is swirling around in many young people’s lives, including Chianne’s.

“I had a pretty rough childhood, and that’s because of the situations with my mother not really wanting to be a part of my life,” she said. “There were some traumatic experiences that I went through.”

There was bullying too — both in middle and high school. It robbed her of her self-esteem and contributed to her depression and bulimia.

It was also around the time she began to find coping mechanisms and tried to hide them.

“As I was about to enter high-school, I discovered self-harm. When I first hurt myself, I was honestly just doing it to see what the hype was about. It soon turned into an addiction, anytime I felt upset, angry, or depressed.. I [would self-harm].” Chianne said. “I started in sports my freshman year so I had to stop self-harming so I wouldn’t get caught. I still struggled with bad thoughts, feelings of hopelessness, and bullying but I acted like it was no big deal.”

…

When Chianne eventually came to Gibson House, which is a Redwood Community Services mental health supportive housing program, she found a path forward. It was a slow push, one that took time and forced her to confront an orchestra full of traumas.

Gibson House is a good place for that. Stepping Stones staff are on-site 24/7 and work with a variety of different clients push through a host of different challenges.

The house reopened this summer following a fire and is currently serving clients.

“Being a client at RCS saved my life,” Chianne said. “I look up to everyone who had a part in my story. I wouldn't be Chianne without these amazing people. I learned that surrounding myself with people is the best medicine. Especially those who lived it right by my side.”

Chianne remembers one day were things were especially bleak. She’d slipped back into self-harm and had locked the bathroom door in the house.

The trauma, her past, hitting her like a wave.

“I remember being picked off the floor and having to be bandaged up … I remember having to sleep on the couch many nights due to suicidal ideation,” Chianne said.

…

Chianne has a list of people she credits with helping push her on the way to recovery.

Wyant is on the list, as is Sam Stafford, Christina Palomo, Logan Bengston, Reanna Savage and everyone else who helped her at Gibson.

She was adamant the people who helped her be recognized.

“The thing with them … that helped me get to where I am is how blunt they were with me,” Chianne said. “A lot of times in this field, things are sugar coated and when they’re in crisis, they’re getting told the nice things. I got it told straight … I don’t know how many times they had to call me and break me out of it.”

Her health eventually began to rebound, but there were plenty of obstacles to overcome. In one moment that stood out for her, she bought a number of energy drinks and drank them to the point where she said her heart felt like it was going to explode.

Eventually, she told her case manager.

“I was like, this is what I’m doing, like I don’t even care,” Chianne said. “And she started crying and said, ‘Dude, what are doing? That’s not how you’re going to fix yourself,’ and she asked me to give it to her. I think that moment was the start of my growth.”

One day, an idea formed — working at RCS. The problem was, she could not apply for a position until she graduated from the program.

“I kind of hit grind mode and applied,” Chianne said.

It took some time, but eventually, she had the opportunity to do so and over the summer started as a Peer Recovery Coach at the Arbor. She said she currently plans to have a career in behavioral health.

She also plans to share her story and advocate for mental health.

“I hope that my story reaches someone who is in a similar situation and they can see the hope that I carry with me,” Chianne said. “Recovery isn't linear. Even those who are ‘recovered’ are not fully recovered. Help is always out there, you just have to look hard enough.”